2025: The Year of the Squeaky Wheel

What if I aspire to be a Karen?

Jan 08, 2025

TGIJ: Thank God It’s January.

The last six weeks were rough. Between hosting Thanksgiving (which I absolutely loved), all the holidays gatherings, decking the halls, running a very seasonal business that goes full throttle between Black Friday and New Year’s, kids off school, trying to complete our attic renovation, and a cold/flu that started December 18th and still isn’t fully over… I am spent.

I’m not much of a resolutions person (though I AM a resolutions person, but I like starting them when it feels right, not because it’s “January 1”— an arbitrary date), but once I fought through the holiday fog, I realized I know what I want out of 2025.

It’s time to be the squeaky wheel.

Those who know me best might subscribe me as a good listener, a helper, and a connector. I’d like them, and especially my therapist, to think I’m funny and creative, too. They also know my absolute worst trait: Advocating for myself.

I will go to bat for literally everyone else. But when it comes to asking for what I need (or worse, what I want), I am Home Simpson disappearing into the hedges. No, it’s okay. I’m good, whatever you want, I’d really hate to ask.

I know why I’m this way. Maybe you also grew up in an environment where making yourself vulnerable in any way (having needs!) left you feeling like once of those mice they feed boa constrictors. But I am a grown up now; a 42-year-old woman with a supportive husband, two amazing kids, and a life that’s pretty darn great.

So why am I still afraid to ask for what I need?

Welp, old habits die hard. But new habits don’t just make themselves. You gotta do the work. Here’s what that looks like for me in 2025.

1. Say No.

I can write. I know how to do social media, Substack, blogs, newsletters, Pinterest, graphic design, Meta ads, podcasts. A lot of people need help with these things, and I love helping people. (Or at least I am in the habit of helping people. Do I actually love it?)

The problem is, I just don’t have the time. Or, more accurately, I do have the time if I stop doing all these things for myself and instead do them for someone else.

This is my cycle. I go on a helping binge, realize I’m losing myself, frappe my brain with anxiety over letting people down, then (once I’m far past my own breaking point), I quit and vow to not take on anything I don’t have time for. Which goes well… until someone else needs something, and I mean… how much time would that really take? And I like that person and believe in them and I could use the money (but OMG I definitely can’t charge them too much!)…

You see where this is going.

I’m here again, thinking about all the effort I put into other people. But what if I put that same effort into myself? Maybe I would be posting here once a week like I vowed to a year ago. Maybe I’d have a book deal. Maybe I’d have a completed fiction manuscript. I don’t know though, because I don’t say no enough.

2. Honor My Own Needs

Eight years ago, I became a mom. I love my kids, and I [mostly lol] enjoy motherhood, but I am ready to reclaim me. I’m tired of existing on the crumbs because I’m the most flexible.

I feel like my kids are finally at a point where they can entertain themselves while I do a 45-minute ride on the Peloton, or can be home alone for a few minutes while my husband and I swap between gym classes.

I want to cook dinners my husband and I like instead of always whipping up things I feel meh about because they’re kid-friendly. (And my kids complain about the kid-friendly food anyway!)

I want to make plans with friends on a weeknight. I want to see an R-rated movie in the theater. I want to share a meal with an adult I enjoy talking to.

Do I need a hobby? What do I even like now? I need to figure that out.

3. Being the Squeaky Wheel

I hate making a fuss. Historically, I’ve allowed people ignore my needs (no, it’s fine that you can’t make it, even though I’ve rearranged my entire life to accommodate you), or given them a pass when they haven’t followed through. I get that shit happens, but sometimes I feel like I am *too* understanding. I don’t complain at restaurants, I’ve never asked for the manager. I don’t like bugging people. I even hate asking to borrow things from others, even though I am more than happy to lend. If someone owes me money, I often “forget” about it (not really though!).

What’s the opposite of a Karen?

I know people who are never like this. They ask for what they need and what they are owed and don’t seem to have any feelings about it. I don’t hate them when they ask me for things. Why is it so challenging to do this for myself?

As they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I’m making 2025 the year I ask for what I feel I need or am owed. This takes practice, so I will practice. Even in situations where I don’t even really care that much. Maybe especially when I don’t care that much.

Just yesterday, my husband realized one of our tenants hadn’t paid rent. It was a week late, but I knew what had happened— she’d been out of town for the holidays and had simply forgotten. It wasn’t a big deal, I knew she was good for it. And my natural inclination would be to have my husband nudge her about it because ewwwww, uncomfortable!

Instead, I said I’d handle it. I sent a simple text, and she ran a check over.

We all survived.

Do you have a New Year’s resolution? Have any tips for me following through with mine? Do you consider yourself assertive, and if that doesn’t come naturally to you, how did you get there? TELL ME EVERYTHING!